When I was riding this morning (a sentence beginning that feels super-clunky), a common conversation played out between God and I.
It began ‘Here I am’ and before too long it became ‘blah, blah, blah’. A similar scenario played out when I met with Doug, Tony and Brendan a couple of hours later (although I stifled the ‘blahs’!) It wasn’t out of disrespect for God’s authority or power, but out of a proper perspective on my own.
It triggered thoughts of worship songs that begin in a similar vein:
Here I am…humbled by your majesty
Here I am…down on my knees again, surrendering all
Here I am…to worship
Here I am…blah, blah, blah
I’m quick to become frustrated at the gap between what I know and what I live. I know more than I live, but what I’m called to is a life of obedience. I’ve been given a free gift of salvation that gives me freedom. It’s for that freedom that I’ve been set free (Galatians 5:1). It’s not to again be a slave to sin, but to be liberated from it as I’m led by the spirit rather than the flesh (Romans 8:15).
So, what has me saying ‘blah, blah, blah’? It’s because I know this. My greater desire is to see that truth alive in me in a greater way. My frustration (and similar intolerance with others in whom I recognise this) is that I don’t want to be a professional christian. I don’t want to be a commentator on christians and the church. I don’t want to portray an authority that is self-ascribed over the authority that is invested by Jesus and brings life and more life. I want more of Him transforming more of me. It’s a living Word to be applied to life.
My blah, blah, blah is a frustration with the sins that so easily entangle. The stuff that the writer of the Hebrews tells us to throw off so that I can get running this endurance run of faith that he has me on (Hebrews 12:1).
When I bring myself before God, my right thinking is restored. Even my blah, blah, blah is given right context because I see His grace poured out over my frailty. His mercy and the withholding of justice that should bring death from actions and thoughts, but are instead imputed on Jesus.
My blahs don’t surprise Him. In fact, I think He kind of likes it. Because I’m an inch closer to letting go of all that holds me back. An inch closer to right thinking about myself and of the Saviour who died for me and intercedes for me.
David begins there in Psalm 131. There’s no haughtiness and hubris, simply right thinking before a Holy God.
“My heart is not lifted up not my eyes raised too high.”
At first glance it feels like faithless resignation.
“I do not occupy myself with things too great and marvelous for me”.
At second glance it seems like David lost his wonder and awe for the things of God.
No, quite the opposite. David has quieted His soul. Pride has left him and humility before a great God has taken its place. He has become content in God, content in the one in whom his hope has been re-established.
Our identity in Christ is rightly found when we give up the pose, cease to to be the expert and say, with salvation-assured confidence, my hope is in Jesus. His life, death and resurrection has paid for my sins…and my blahs…to give me a hope that does not disappoint (Romans 5:5).
Here I am.